How do we start conversations about sexuality as missionaries? How do we respond when those we serve—whether it’s our teammates, kids, or community members—come to us with questions? How can we guide others with compassion while staying true to biblical teaching?
In an interview this year with Michele Okimura, founder of Explicit Movement, Kingdom Families, and Releasing Generations, we talked about where we begin in these kinds of conversations. Her focus was less what the correct answers are and more about how we communicate and listen to those who come to us.
We have to know how to begin so that afterward, we have an opportunity to continue.
At Modern Day, we hold a traditional biblical view of gender and sexuality. We believe that God created man and woman and that marriage was created to be between a man and a woman. With that, we know that for people to be able to receive the truth from us, we have to approach conversations with a heart that shows genuine care for the person, not just the message. People need to feel that we care about them, not just about being right.
How do we begin? With the goal, keep the door open.
Soooooo Many Questions
Sexuality is one of the hottest topics today, no matter where you live or serve. While it’s always been a significant issue, there’s something different about the intensity now, isn’t there? It feels like the questions are deeper, more urgent, and everyone is looking for answers.
As missionaries, we’re often in the position of being asked to provide those answers. To be able to help others navigate sexuality through a biblical lens, we need to be willing to talk about it without being awkward or embarrassed.
We’re going to be asked tough questions.
Are You a Safe Space?
Conversations about sexuality can make anyone uncomfortable, especially in the church. For years, people bringing up this topic have been preached at much more than they have been listened to. Or the topic has been avoided altogether.
But meanwhile, the world is constantly talking about it. The church has to offer something different—a place where people can ask questions without fear of judgment.
As missionaries, we have a responsibility to create safe spaces for these conversations.
Spaces where young people, our teammates, or even local leaders feel they can share openly and be heard. The goal isn’t to fix everything in one conversation. It’s to listen, validate, and let people know they are seen and loved.
When someone shares something vulnerable with us, especially around sexuality, our first job is to help them feel understood. That’s how trust is built.
And that’s how we open the door for future conversations.
If we jump in with answers right away, we risk shutting down that dialogue. But if we create a safe, open space, we can continue the conversation over time.
Where to Begin
When someone comes to us with a deep question or struggle, our first instinct might be to start giving advice or sharing truth. But often, the most powerful thing we can do is simply listen.
People want to be heard, especially when they’re sharing something as sensitive as their feelings or struggles about sexuality.
We might feel the pressure to give the “right” answer immediately, especially if the topic makes us uncomfortable. But when we rush to speak, we can unintentionally shut down the conversation.
Think about it—when someone comes to you with a difficult issue, do they want a quick solution? Or do they want to know you care about them and what they’re going through?
It’s so important to validate feelings before jumping in with answers. Empathy is a powerful tool, especially in tough conversations.
When we take the time to truly listen, we communicate that we are a safe person to talk to, and that can be the beginning of real healing and growth.
Walking the Journey Together
Discipleship is a process. Whether it’s walking with someone through issues related to sexuality or other areas of life, it’s rarely something that happens overnight. Sometimes, God brings about rapid transformation, but more often than not, it’s a slow, patient journey.
For those of us in cross-cultural missions, this journey can be even more complicated because of cultural nuances. This requires building relationships, investing time, and showing consistent love.
Don’t just teach what. Teach how.
Think long-term growth. Think deep, true transformation. Do we prefer a quick fix that doesn’t last or penetrate their heart, or are we willing to teach them how to hear from the Holy Spirit? Teach them how to discern Scripture?
And as we walk this road with others, we must remember that our own healing matters too. When we’ve dealt with our own hurts and misconceptions, we’re more equipped to help others. You can’t pour from an empty cup. The more we allow God to work in our own lives, the more we’ll have to offer those we serve.
Respecting Cultural Differences
Navigating cultural differences when it comes to sexuality is tricky. Different cultures have different views on what’s acceptable, moral, or even healthy. People’s views on sexuality are often deeply shaped by their culture, and it’s our job to walk with them through that process of transformation
As missionaries, it’s our job to respect these cultural nuances while gently introducing God’s design. This requires sensitivity, patience, and, most importantly, the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
How can we honor their culture and also help them learn what kingdom culture is? All of us from every culture should always be asking ourselves, does this aspect of my culture honor kingdom culture?
As we do this, we remember that it’s not about forcing change, but about building relationships and walking with people in their lives, patiently and persistently. As we do that, we allow space for God to work in their hearts.
Start Where You Are At
You might still have questions about sexuality you don’t know how to answer. You don’t have to have all the answers right away.
Look to the Bible for guidance. Be diligent in discovering what God says so you know what you believe. And also, extend yourself grace as you seek God’s heart and wait on him for those answers.
Remember, when people seek you out with questions on sexuality, your first job is to create safe spaces, listen well, and walk with people through the messy, complicated issues of life. When we do that, we open the door for ongoing conversations, growth, and healing.
There will be moments when God tells you loud and clear to share this truth directly with someone who is asking, and if so, you should share it in love. There are other moments, where God will ask you to simply listen, love, and pray. Be attentive to his voice.
Never forget the old adage, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Show care first. Then, let the Holy Spirit guide which words come next.
As missionaries, we have the privilege of helping others see the beauty of God’s design for sex and relationships. It’s not always easy, and we won’t always get it right the first time. But with God’s grace, we can approach these conversations with both wisdom and love, trusting Him to guide us every step of the way.
Let’s commit to walking this journey together, creating spaces where people feel safe to ask questions and discover God’s truth. By doing so, we can be a part of bringing hope and healing in a world that desperately needs it.
You can listen to the interview with Michele Okimura here:
