Kelsey and I have long been advocates of adoption. While many felt led to adopt internationally, we were so impacted by pro life movement in the US and the prophetic statement that adoption makes, we chose to adopt domestically.Having three boys biologically, we adopted Zoe as a newborn in 2006. Two years later, we adopted newborn twin girls, Anna and Mercy. Much to our surprise, we found out Kelsey was pregnant six weeks later. In three years, we’d gone from a family of five to a family of nine. To say we had a full house would be an understatement.
In January of 2012, I sat at my desk thumbing through budgets as rain fell outside my window. The phone rang and a familiar voice said “Good morning….are you sitting down?” It was the sister of my twins’ birth mother. She and her husband were great, godly people and we’d become good friends through the twins’ adoption.“We found my sister again,” she said, referring to the twins’ birth mom, Jenny*. Jenny has struggled with mental illness through her adult life and often would fall off the grid from family for months.“How is she?” I asked.“Well, she was just thrown out of the Uhaul storage space she’d been living in,” she replied. My heart sunk. We didn’t have an ongoing relationship but no one wants the birthmother of their children suffering. She continued “And she’s pregnant. With twins again.”My head was spinning. All I could mutter was “Surely not!”. I couldn’t fathom the mathematical likelihood of her conceiving a second set of twins so quickly. Then, I began to think…what happens to these babies? Given her mental state, she would not be allowed to parent them. Her family may or may not be able to help – and even so, it’s not clear that would be the best given that they had sibling twins two years older. In a moment, I imagined my older twins, not as three year olds, but at fifteen. They had long curly hair. They were beautiful, accomplished young women. In my imagination, they were just learning about their sibling twins, and saying “There were more like us, and you didn’t want them?”Instantly, I made a decision. If it were within our power and if it would please the family, we would adopt these two as well.
Eight weeks later, Jenny gave birth to a healthy baby boy and girl and we brought them home.I’ve never considered taking in two more as particularly brave or valiant. All I knew was if there were more like the ones I already had, I wanted them.If you have a child, you no doubt love that child. Let me let you in on a sad secret. There are more like them. A lot more. Some are born every day and go straight to foster care because no one is ready to take them permanently. Others have been in the foster care system for years. There experiences may have been different than your children, but they have arms, legs, a smile and a soul. They are no different than the ones you already love.
There are more children like the ones we all love. The question is if we want them badly enough to pay the price to make them our own.
* Jenny is not her real name.
Randy Bohlender
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